Emotional Intelligence: Traits to Avoid

Identifying and transforming unhelpful patterns to develop higher EQ. These patterns are common, human, and changeable. Awareness is the first step.

Jump to Solutions

Narcissism & Poor Social Awareness

Patterns that crowd out connection and reduce trust.

Lack of Accountability Blaming others instead of taking ownership; refusing responsibility for mistakes.

Grandiosity Excessive self-importance; expecting admiration without achievement.

Entitlement Expecting favorable treatment; exploiting others for personal gain.

Empathy Deficit Unwilling to recognize others' feelings; viewing emotions as weakness.

Invalidating Communication One-sided conversations; dismissing others' opinions.

Hypersensitive to Criticism Reacting with rage or defensiveness to minor feedback.

Poor Self-Management & Emotional Dysregulation

Signals that regulation skills need attention and practice.

Aggression Ignoring others' needs; acting superior and self-righteous.

Passive-Aggression Saying yes when meaning no; silent treatment; sarcasm disguised as jokes.

Impulsivity Lashing out without thinking; inability to control emotional outbursts.

Victim Mentality Constant complaining; feeling powerless to solve problems.

Negativity & Cynicism Dwelling on worst-case scenarios; dismissing positive possibilities.

Rumination Repeatedly dwelling on past mistakes without resolution; "what if" spirals.

Perfectionism All-or-nothing thinking; procrastinating due to fear of imperfection.

Survival Mode

Survival Mode Patterns

Subtle habits from chronic stress that sabotage emotional health

Mistaking Stress for Motivation Confusing adrenaline rush with genuine drive.

Minimizing Your Needs Apologizing for having needs; making yourself invisible.

Interpreting Silence as Danger Reading threat into quiet moments or delayed responses.

Bracing for Disappointment Shutting down excitement immediately, expecting failure.

Hoarding Time Filling every moment with tasks; treating rest as undeserved.

Excessive Self-Deprecation Constant self-critical jokes as pre-emptive defense.

Obsessive Planning Creating endless backup plans driven by fear, not practicality.

Catastrophizing Small Mistakes Treating minor errors as proof of total incompetence.

The Path Forward

Replace avoidance with awareness and skill practice.

Self-Management

Practice impulse control, deep breathing, and conscious calm during triggers.

Clear Communication

Use "I" statements. Focus on your needs rather than others' flaws.

Boundary Setting

Assert needs respectfully. Boundaries protect relationships and energy.

Self-Reflection

Journal to notice patterns and triggers. Track one situation per day for two weeks.

Call to Action: Developing EQ means replacing avoidance with awareness.